Long story short, I met my husband on Gaia Online. 6 years later, through literal distance and learning how to live together physically, we’re temporarily separated again due to the Navy.

So what do we do to kill the time and make it seem like we’re doing things like we would together? Go on Gaia and start a new joint quest thread, of course. Sentimental fact is we started a thread like this when we were just little love birds in 2008 and 5,000 miles apart. Now that we jumped back into Gaia for a while now, we’re finally making the effort to get back into the community itself, and continue a little old tradition.

For once, we’ve turned a disappointing situation into a fun little nostalgic matter. I’m super excited to launch it tonight.

- Hubby sadly has to go back to work today but after the amazing week we had it’s worth it. To boost, it’s a short week, too. He’ll have Saturday off and then back again Sunday to start thee days of watches, and then poof, shipped off to Lemoore.
- Still haven’t been able to get Alex a vet appointment, but he’s doing increasingly better that I think we might just wait another week and see if the bump disappears altogether. Starting to think that he just played way too rough and got a goose bump of a bruise.
- Think we’ve finally came up with a master plan to fix one of our biggest issues. Can’t wait to see how it plays out in the next month.
- Debating on getting an outdoor rug after all. We’ve been looking at one for a few months now, for $120 (ouch), but since we’ve been spending so much time outside, and now BBQ’ing, it might be an investment.
- And, to wrap it all up: I ran into our screen door, watched it fly out of the frame like an explosion… Amazingly I didn’t rip the screen part and luckily the metal track is only slightly dented. I can’t believe I did that.

I feel like I’m going to be sick. I’m so fucking fed up with my life, i just can’t take it anymore.

- I’ve been sick for too long. Nothing new. It’s still a living hell, though.
- I’m on the verge of fucking losing it. Bad news keeps appearing from left to right.
- Now today, I’ve felt a protruding bone on my beloved cat and I’m seriously freaking out. I don’t know any vets around, and I don’t even think I could handle going out, either, thanks to my anxiety.
- My husband is a worthless piece of shit who’s just making me feel worse about everything and isn’t doing a damn thing to help, again, with anything.
- Nothing is getting done in regards for my car/license/registration and the likes. I’m overly stressed and about to give up driving altogether. Then we’d be really screwed.
- The icing on the cake now, is that I have to wait until June to get a doctors appointment. The soonest one is May 16th, but that’s the day my husband leaves for 2 weeks on training. I can barely walk out the door, alone, so you can forget an appointment on my own. Ha.
- Oh, and to boot, I think I’m pregnant. We had a fucking mishap (being sick for two weeks prior of “it” and vomiting everything up, my birth control pills got seriously fucked up) and having the damn condom broke. Took Plan B not even 12 hours after. Almost 2 weeks later I’m as bloated and fat as a fucking hippo and spotting horribly. I know it fucks up your system, but holy fuck.

I swear to God if anything happens to my cat, though, I’m going to fucking lose it. I’m already on the verge to wishing I could OD again. I have absolutely nothing to live for, besides my cats, and my fucking husband knows it. He’ll never be a reason to live, not after what he did to me. I feel so fucking useless and it’s dragging me down to an even deeper low than I’ve known before.

I have been sick well over two months now, off and on. I’ve laid low and removed myself from both public view and even online, like Tumblr and Facebook. In a turn of events, my day went from sleepy and sick, to eyes full of tears, to productive and feeling decent.

- My husband and I enjoyed a quiet four day weekend. He had to work today, only, and now he’s off for a week until the 9th of May.
- Jets will be visiting the base on the 2nd, and his schedule, again, will be switched to nights. Luckily due to his leave, he will only be working for a week.
- On the major downside, he will be leaving with the Jets back to Lomoore, CA on the 16th until June 1st. This will be only temporarily, and only for two weeks, but it will be the first time since I moved here in December that we’ll be apart.
Besides my flailing self and my increasing anxiety and stress, I’m beyond hopeless. I took the news with stride, but fell into darkness shortly after. Simple things like going to buying groceries, or driving alone, to even taking out the trash leaves me scarred. I was hoping we’d have more time to prepare and work things out, but we now have three weeks to deal with this. And don’t even get me started on how I’m going to eat due to my lack of culinary skills.
- My husband cuddled with me during and after my crying fits and went out and brought me home a mocha. We then proceeded to clean the house together. I also managed to muster the energy to mow the lawn and work on my tan, too.
- And surprisingly, we did 15 minutes of P90X to just get into the swing of things and had a nice shower together. It felt very refreshing forcing myself to do something other than sleep or feel worthless. Now if only I could do it daily. Here’s to future efforts.
- Now to enjoy some Yakisoba and watch my Hubby play some Prototype. I might even get some weight lifting in while I watch.

Sometimes I feel as though men are completely fucking useless. If I wasn’t so fucked up I would be so much better off on my own than I am now.